Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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