can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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