I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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