I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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