...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
