it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wear drunk well.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
