Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
