At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
