I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
