her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
