is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
