my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so let's talk penis.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
