Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
