dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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