Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
