And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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