Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't turn off my feet"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
