life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
