I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
