You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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