Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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