I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
