Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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