I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
