youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
