i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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