last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
