some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
