Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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