it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
