Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
