As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
