Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
