Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
