I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
