found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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