i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
