She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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