just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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