Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
