I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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