from now on my penis is your penis
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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