I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize