She said her name was "party"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize