My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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