I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
