you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
operation have a gay friend backfired
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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