I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
