Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
