Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
