who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
