Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize