so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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