I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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