Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
