you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
