They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize