it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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