he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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