So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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