Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
