Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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