We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
