I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
her vagine was all disorganized.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
