The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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