if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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