when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
