i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize