why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
